你是否也曾遇到过这样一种情况：面前的人眼神发直，一连串说了好几个“恩哼”，好像根本就没在听你讲话。他是真的在听，还是纯粹敷衍呢？今天就让我告诉你如何辨别~
Like most people, I have several pet subjects that I love to talk about — subjects that are sometimes interesting to other people, and sometimes not. Don’t get me started on happiness, or obesity, or children’s literature, or Winston Churchill, unless you really want to talk about it. (I do manage to be very disciplined about not talking about my children too much.)
和大多数人一样，我也有几个非常爱讲的话题——有时候对别人来说还挺有意思，但有时却显得非常无趣。除非你真得想谈，不然千万别让我谈论幸福、肥胖、儿童文学、或者丘吉尔。
Oftentimes, we may find ourselves asking, “Am I a boring person?” Although it’s harsh reality, the answer may be yes. Based on my (utterly unscientific) observations, made mostly from noting how I behave when I’m bored and trying to hide it, here are some signs that you’re boring your listener.
我们可能时常会问：“我是不是很烦人？”尽管现实很残忍，但我们听到的答案很可能就是“是的”。我觉察到，当我感到厌烦并试图隐藏这种情绪时，我会有些特殊的表现。基于这些的观察（完全没有科学依据），我可以告诉你：如果如下信号出现，那就说明你的听众已经感到厌烦了。
Repeated, perfunctory responses重复、敷衍的回答
A person who says, “Oh really? Oh really? That’s interesting. Oh really?” is probably not too engaged.
当一个人不断说：“噢，是吗？噢，是吗？真有意思。噢，是吗？”那说明他可能并没有太专心听。
Simple questions简单的问题
People who are bored ask simple questions. “When did you move?” “Where did you go?” People who are interested ask more complicated questions that show curiosity, not mere politeness.
感到厌烦的人会问些很简单的问题，诸如“你什么时候去的？”“你去哪里了？”真正感兴趣的人会问一些更复杂的、能表现出他们好奇心的问题，而不仅只是表现出礼貌。
No interruption不打断
Although it sounds rude, interruption is actually a good sign, I think. It means a person is bursting to say something, and that shows interest. Similarly…
尽管打断别人听起来很粗鲁，但我认为这实际上是个很好的信号，它意味着别人急切地有话要说，而这也正表现出别人感兴趣。反之，你懂的。
Request for clarification要求说明
A person who is sincerely interested in what you’re saying will need you to elaborate or to explain. “What does that term mean?” “When exactly did that happen?” “Back up and tell me what happened first” are the kinds of questions and interjections that show that someone is trying closely to follow what you’re saying.
真正对你所说内容感兴趣的人会时不时要你详细说明或者解释一下。“那个术语是什么意思？”、“到底是什么时候的事？”、“等等，告诉我最开始发生了什么”这类问题或者插的话表明对方在努力紧跟你的思路。
Imbalance of talking time讲话时间不平衡
I suspect that many people fondly suppose that they usually do 80 percent of the talking in a conversation because people find them fascinating. Sometimes, it’s true, a discussion involves a huge download of information desired by the listener; that’s a very satisfying kind of conversation. In general, though, people who are interested in a subject have things to say themselves; they want to add their own opinions, information, and experiences. If they aren’t doing that, they probably just want the conversation to end faster.
我猜很多人都觉得，在和别人对话时，自己之所以是“话唠”是因为别人都愿意听他们侃侃而谈。有时的确如此，比如在一次讨论中，如果倾听者想要得到大量的信息，那么这种对话是非常令人愉悦的。但通常来讲，对某一话题感兴趣的人自己也有许多想要表达的，他们想要补充自己的观点、信息和经历。如果他们并没有这么做的话，那他们可能只是想要快点结束对话。
Body position身体的姿势
People with a good connection generally turn fully to face each other. A person who is partially turned away isn’t fully embracing the conversation.
通常来讲，想要好好交流的人会彼此面对面。如果对方将身体微微侧过去，则表明他并不是很享受这场对话。
Along the same lines, if you’re a speaker trying to figure out if an audience is interested in what you’re saying.
如果你是演讲者，想要知道听众是否对你的演讲内容感兴趣，也可以借鉴此法。
Audience posture观众的姿态
Back in 1885, Sir Francis Galton wrote a paper called “The Measurement of Fidget.” He determined that people slouch and lean when bored, so a speaker can measure the boredom of an audience by seeing how far from vertically upright they are. Also, attentive people fidget less; bored people fidget more. An audience that’s upright and still is interested, while an audience that’s horizontal and squirmy is bored.
1885年，弗朗西斯·高尔顿爵士曾写过一篇名为《测量烦躁》的论文。他认为，当人们感到厌烦时，会无精打采、身体倾斜，所以演讲者可以通过观察观众是不是坐得笔挺来判断他们是否感到厌烦。同时，注意力集中不容易烦躁，而感到无聊的人更易焦躁。身体挺直的观众是对演讲感兴趣的，而已经趴下或者一直在动的观众早就已经厌烦了。
I often remind myself of French author Francois de La Rochefoucauld’s observation: “We are always bored by those whom we bore.” If I’m bored, there’s a good chance the other person may be bored, too. Time to find a different subject.
法国作家弗朗索瓦·拉罗什福科曾说“让我们感到厌烦的人也讨厌我们”。我经常以此提醒自己，如果我自己都感到厌烦了，那么很有可能别人也同样感到厌烦，所以是时候换话题了。
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